dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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