Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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