Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
