cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
