i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
