she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
