so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
