you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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