The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
