Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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