nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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