I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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