We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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