i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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