once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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