I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
