I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
