just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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