We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
