They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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