he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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