Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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