Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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