Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
