Apparently you make a good broom.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
