when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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