just come out here and I will go home with you...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
