I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
