i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
