$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
