listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
