Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
