No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
