wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
