Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
