I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she looked like the before picture.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
