who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
