So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
