i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's the barista slut.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
