apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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