I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
