Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
