I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
