I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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