There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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