You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
