You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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