..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
