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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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