DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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