All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I FOUND THE LEGS
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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