One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Let's paint friendship bongs
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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