Pappa wants mamma naked
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
