Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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