did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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