The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
